You may think that i am wrong but yes, i have come to a conclusion (because i feel like to conclude) that i am done with life long time ago. I have been living for long but not having life. (i am a walking zombie). I think i am greedy, i have my family, i have a career, i have friends, i have very good friends and i have a superdupergudfriend. (can i say i have a boyfriend?- yeah i have, i think so). Yet, i still feel so naked, so empty. maybe i am one of those disturbed being. Psychotic!
The mask. i am too tired of wearing this mask, its heavy. its killing me. its hard to please people. its grrrrrr... i tried avoiding people but i just cant (can i?), i have to deal with them everyday. I have to wear this smile even if i dont feel like it. i have to feel good even if i dont feel good and in reality i want to punch you in the face. huh! what am i doing here? I wonder if how many of us out there. a clown, a zombie.
FAITH? yes i have faith... i may not be the most religious person but i do believe that somewhere out there "Someone" governs everything. That somewhere in this universe there is a supreme power that i can never measure, nor understand, yet i still choose to believe. Somehow i think that Someone is not please with me now. (i'm sorry)
Today i wanna cry out loud. i just wanna shout out loud. I wanna curl up in my bed, sleep and never wake up. I cannot understand why i feel so sad inside. To wake up each day is a burden... tiresome. I am tired of the routine. Have you ever been on that place of nothingness? that you cant see anything? its neither black nor white because its empty? empty as in NOTHING. Have you ever woke up in the morning and you realized that you've got nothing to live for? This is the exact feeling that i am having right now and it feels so bad and it hurts. It hurts too much and you just want to disappear.. its maddening, it will drive you nuts! its crazy because i have enough of my needs and wants yet i still feel f*ck*ng empty!
I think i am angry, i am angry because i am not contented? i dont know. Perhaps i want to die now because i am contented? maybe. Or maybe i am angry, tired, sad, sick, mad because of my surging hormones? I'm tired of thinking, annalyzing things.. i just want to rest and never wake up.
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